Thursday, December 13, 2007

Hot/Crazy

Maybe it's good I don't have an iPhone. With internet access instantly at my fingertips and an easy-to-use typing system ... Sha! If your fingers are hobbit-sized - geez I feel like Homer in the fat episode whenever i try to use the damn thing!!It really makes me wish I had some kind of note-taking device that wasn't a cell phone - as they can be rather complicated to quickly operate to get a note-to-self.

Anyway, if I DID have something that would work like that I might post more random blog-thoughts that might be entertaining and witty, but might not be as informational for me later, or for anyone else... i digress.

Throughout the day I have thoughts, lots of them, as most people do! I am not doubting your thought potential, but I really do have more interesting and deep thoughts than I believe the average person might have. I blame the ADD. I think pretty much constantly. I don't like suing the mouse on a computer because it's too slow, just to give you an idea.

I have often joked that my memory is not so good. I decided to draw a picture to make it perfectly clear what is going on in there and why I talk to myself.
As you can clearly see here, beautifully illustrated in 8 colours, we have a fellow who's main cortex is clogged with thousands of cycles of data. But if he talks to himself - the information goes out his mouth, and much like taking a back road to dodge a deadly body smeared motorbike crash - which may - at times -resemble my thoughts to the outside viewer - You can see it goes right back into the ear, around the problem, and into the 'ol storage. Great, eh?

* * *

Now, that you understand more on to the topic of this very interesting post. How I Met Your Mother, a fairly awesome show on CBS on Mondays has a character played by the Doogie Houser of old fame. Now he's a very amazing and insightful character dubbed Barney.

Barney has taught me so much, he's insightful and shallow, but also a genius.

Women are a complicated species, but with Barney literally (figuratively - watch the show you'll get it) then you can be a major player (major player - salute -- again watch the show).

Anyway, The Hot Crazy Scale is pretty much awesome.

The scale operates around a principle of dating that guy's cling to, many without even realizing it's functioning:

Therefore the Hotter you are the Crazier you can be! Illustrated below.



Watch this convenient educational video:


(for those of you thinking that this is hilarious you're good thanks for playing, else go to line 530)

Now. There are also ladies that might be curious... where do I lie on this scale!?

Luckily our mentor Barney the All Knowing expands on his ideas throughout the episode. Take this quiz and post a comment with your results so we know how Hot/Crazy you are!

“1. You’re walking down the street and see Matt Damon. You:
a: Gawk from afar and let him pass unbothered.
b: Run up to him and beg to have his babies.
c: Stab him with a pen.

2. You’re driving on the freeway and someone cuts you off. You:
a: Take a deep breath, count to ten, and do a random act of kindness.
b: Hold down your horn and scream obscenities.
c: Stab him with his own broken windshield wiper.

3. You see a kitten stuck in a tree. You:
a: Call the fire department and wait for professional help.
b: Climb up and rescue it, then take it home to join the 125 other cats you currently care for.
c: Stab it with a tree branch.

4. You’re on a date with a fellow and it’s not going well. You:
a: Explain to him you’re just not compatible and offer to split the check.
b: Start a small fire in the ladies’ bathroom thus evacuating the restaurant and ending your date.
c: Finish your decadent five-course dinner, then stab him with a lobster claw.

5. Your boss makes a pass at you. You:
a: Report it to human resources.
b: Go for it, then blackmail him for the rest of his natural life.
c: Stab him with his tie.

6. The barista screws up your double skim, half café, no sugar added caramel macchiato. You:
a: Drink whatever she gives you, so as to not create a scene.
b: Throw the scalding hot beverage into the barista’s face.
c: Stab her with a coffee cup.

7. It’s Christmas, a time of giving, charity, and joy. One of the Salvation Army Santa’s won’t stop ringing the bell in front of your apartment. You:
a: Thank him for doing the Lord’s work and give generously.
b: Tar and feather him from your fifth floor balcony.
c: Stab him with his bell, then steal his bucket.

8. Your grandparents are in town visiting. You:
a: Happily show them around town taking extra special care of them.
b: Berate them for the measly 12 bucks they gave you on last year’s birthday.
c: Stab them with their dentures.

9. You find a wallet in the middle of the street. You:
a: Locate the wallet’s owner and return it as found.
b: Steal the person’s identity and live as them.
c: Locate the wallet’s owner and stab them with their license.

10. Your boyfriend proposes. You:
a: Tearfully admit that you’re already married but not opposed to polygamy.
b: You say, “Honestly, we’ve had a lot of great times together but I just don’t see a future between us” thus breaking his heart… then you pick up the pieces of said broken heart, and stab him with it.
c: Say, “Yes, yes, a million times yes!”

To find your “Crazy” rating, give yourself 0 points for every A response, 1 point for every B, and 2 points for every C. Take that total and divide by two. You now have your crazy number.

Now, using your self-assigned hot number, find your position on the Stinson Hot/ Crazy scale. Remember, you want to find yourself located on the hot side, not the crazy side. If the results are not to your liking, please adjust your appearance or personality accordingly. ”

Fellas! Be sure you keep this scale in mind and even draw it out if you have to, sometimes it help - as illustrated above to talk out loud.

Line 530: Thanks for reading! Ciao Arrevederci!